Along Came Bonny Meghali Barua
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Limited deal expiring in 15 minutes?! Her fingers hovered over the laptop’s keyboard as she quivered in anticipation. The race has begun! Her eyes darted towards the timer as the countdown began.
Wait! Did she really need the Kitchen King Automatic Vegetable Chopper? But…what a deal she was getting! Almost a 70% discount. Originally priced at 2500 bucks, she would be getting it for 999 only! Yes, the devil’s number, but what the heck! Time was running out and she didn’t want to miss the once-in-a-lifetime deal. Anyway, she could always recycle it as a gift later (which was most likely). There was always a place for a vegetable chopper in someone’s kitchen, wasn’t it?
As the payment gateway navigated to her bank’s account, she frowned a little. The money in her savings bank looked a little on the downside. Okay, the truth…the numbers were drowning in despair!
She felt guilty. With her bank account serving her a cautionary warning, should she still go ahead and buy the damned chopper? But…wasn’t it a matter of pride now? And yes, she simply had to win the race against time!
She looked at the timer. She had eight more minutes to seal the deal! Well, that’s it! She was going to do it. She can be responsible with her money next month.
‘Who has seen tomorrow?!’ she told herself. ‘I would be a fool to miss this deal!’
Her let-me-convince-myself soliloquy continued.
‘Why should I feel bad? It’s not like I am spending someone else’s money, it’s mine. If I deserve a life-changing vegetable chopper, I am going to get it! Hook or by crook!’
As soon as she had placated her guilty heart, her husband’s disapproving face flashed in front of her eyes.
This man was always after her life! ‘Save money while you can! You never know when you’re going to need it,’ he would say!
Ugh! She can’t enjoy the simple pleasures of life in peace…
Determined to block out her disappointed conscience’s voice, she clicked and did the monetary transaction. The screen flashed and the grateful shopping site threw a generous shower of digital stars and flowers at her. Didn’t that feel nice?
She was an undisputed shopping queen, and now the proud owner of an award-winning vegetable chopper. The way she had to bust her ‘balls’ (figuratively) to get it, you would think she was on the hot pursuit of a disinterested romantic interest! But all’s well that ends well!
Suddenly she decided to check her other yet-to-be-delivered orders. You know, those lined up on the open orders tab. She shuddered as she stared at the long list. There were almost fifteen items in the queue.
She scanned the items. A facial steamer…a floor lamp…a new what-the-heck-was-that? She snapped shut her laptop as if trying to block out a bad murder scene from those B-grade slash-and-run movies.
But she needed those products! Those were essential stuff…things that would make her difficult life easy and more colorful!
Of course, the ionic facial steamer was essential. How on earth was she going to unclog the closed pores on her face? Blame the pollution in her city!
And the floor lamp? Well, there was this poorly lit corner near the plant stand which needs to be jazzed up!
And the rest of the products were equally important.
Yes, even the egg white separator. She needs to watch her morning diet and a no-fuss egg-white omelet would be the perfect breakfast option. Wouldn’t the separator come handy then?
Her husband’s downcast face flashed again. He was going to be disappointed at her ‘misdeeds’…yet again!
She sighed. She will have to speak to the concierge. There was this new girl at the concierge desk who seemed sympathetic towards her predicament. These days, this new girl has become her partner-in-crime…purely out of goodness of her heart!
It all started like this…
Those were the days when she used to work from an office. She would get off work an hour earlier than her husband. You see, this one hour was very important…bought her just enough time to cover her tracks. By the time her unsuspecting husband would reach home, there would be no evidence of her shopping dalliances. The packaging would be stashed inside the trash can and the ‘ill-gotten’ stuff stored safely in her closet.
But one evening turned out to be different.
Earlier that day, a happy her had received a message at work that her new jacket and pair of boots had been delivered at the front desk. For weeks, she had been waiting for the packages and she couldn’t wait to reach home.
Like every other day, that evening too, she reached the apartment complex right on the dot. But as she entered the brightly lit lobby, all her happiness faded into nothingness.
To her horror, she saw her husband in the lounge, waiting for her. The poor man had probably hit upon a Eureka moment to have planned this shock…err…surprise! She could feel her nerves tingling. The evening was not going to end well for someone!
Or so she thought.
As she walked up to her husband, with a dazzling (read flustered) smile on her face, she prayed to the Higher Powers to turn her into the Invisible Woman!
‘Surprise!’ her husband handed her a bunch of flowers.
‘Oh my…what a surprise!’ she managed to smile back but her heart sank.
Giving her a quick warm hug, her husband walked to the reception desk to check the day’s mail. He looked happy; he had certainly aced the husband game that day. She cringed, she felt like a mouse who had just walked into a cheese trap!
With no escape in sight, she hid behind him, her face fixed towards the stone-cold granite floor. She could see fellow apartment dwellers flocking into the lobby. Usually, she would chit-chat a bit but that evening she ignored their friendly greetings. Not that she wanted to be rude but she had a much bigger issue to deal with! Her marriage was at stake!
She warily stole a glance at the new receptionist but she seemed busy handing out mail to the people who were swarming around the help desk.
Tense moments passed.
It felt like an eternity but finally, she and her husband left the lobby and walked towards the lift. Thanking her lucky stars, she made a solemn promise that she was never again going to be lured by these online scamsters! Never again was she going to live life so dangerously!
Wasn’t it only last month she had finally managed to pay her credit card bills? She was going to behave better…online, that is!
The next evening, however, she was in for a surprise. As she walked into the lobby, the concierge girl grinned and waved at her. She could see her packages all neatly lined up on the desk.
‘Hi! You have a few boxes!”
‘Yes, I know.’ She smiled sheepishly as she signed the register and collected the colorfully wrapped packages.
‘Well, I didn’t give them to you yesterday because your husband was with you,’ the concierge girl winked at her.
She was flabbergasted. Was her behavior that obvious?
‘Thanks! Er…well…not that he minds…but you know!’
‘Hey! Don’t worry about it! I have one at home too! Enjoy the spoils!’ the new concierge girl laughed kindly.
And just like that, a new sisterhood was formed. Secret smiles, secret codes became part of the grand shopping cover-up mission. It was like overnight she had metamorphosed into a glamourous spy…a badass lady 007 and the new concierge girl – her trusted sidekick! Her clueless husband, of course, was blissfully unaware of her continued online transgressions! Mission Impossible accomplished!
Then big bad COVID struck!
Working from home became the new normal. And she and her husband were stuck in the apartment…24*7…together! What’s worse, the concierge girl was nowhere to be seen as well! The Home Management Association had pruned off all ‘non-essential’ services till times turned were better! Since front-desk services were considered ‘non-essential’, her new friend had probably lost her job. Damn this coronavirus!
Imagine living with a satellite 24-hours a day! Having nothing better to do, her better half hovered around her the whole day. It was too dangerous to shop online now!
‘Do you really need this?’ Argh! Peeping behind her, the insensitive man would ask. This would be enough to send her off to a bad headspace.
But as the wise say – there’s always a silver lining to all dark clouds. Suddenly the eCommerce companies caught a whiff of the changing times, a gift of the cunning virus. Bored people stuck indoors shop – it’s the universal truth!
It was no less of a spectacle to see how these companies milked the opportunity. They churned out more and more useless products, handed out unthinkable discounts, and raked in millions and billions in profit! It was a shopaholic’s dream come true!
And addicts like her fell a willing prey to the gimmicks…hook, line, and sinker. Her bank account protested. She protested back – what’s in a number anyway?
Face masks, sanitizers, sterilizers suddenly became the rage of the world. So did lounge clothes, cooking equipment, and DIY kits! What’s even better these eCommerce guys delivered everything to the doorstep – at no extra cost! No traffic jams, no burning up of liquid gold a.k.a. petrol, and no time to be wasted. It was now all about convenience and of course, safety.
As she added more and more stuff to the online cart, she realized she was actually helping the world by burning less fossil fuel and helping the economy. Wasn’t going green cool?
The flip side of the coin – her shopping adventures had managed to pique her husband’s interest. He, after weeks of exposure to her online shopping ‘trips,’ has become more accepting towards her ‘distasteful’ online junk!
‘Can you order this electric hair trimmer?’ would now request her husband, who recently had turned into an apprentice home barber.
But today had simply been the best.
Just this morning, she heard him scream out in excitement.
‘Did you know that Amazon’s Great Shopping Festival is going to start from tomorrow?’
She entered his study-cum-exercise room to find him huddled by his laptop. ‘Look…they are giving a 50% discount on smart TV sets! I am pretty sure none of the showrooms give such amazing deals! I am getting one before the deal expires,’ he sounded breathless as his eyes shone in excitement!
She couldn’t help grinning…she could recognize the symptoms. So…the impossible had finally happened! Her dear old husband was now an online shopping addict like her!
Happy shopping!
Beautiful story! Enjoyed the lively language, the wit and humour! Congrats!